What the seasonally affected are wearing this fall

I have an idea for how to embrace all the brown things in your yard and also fight seasonal affective disorder before it gets too bad.

Find a plant. Dead or alive, it doesn’t matter. You probably can’t bring a dead one back to life, but maybe. Maybe. It would certainly pass the long days ahead if you believed that you could.

Find one that looks as if it needs you the way you need it, arms open, so dry and desperate already and winter hasn’t even begun.

Take sharp scissors.

Split the plant. Split your chest. A friend can do this for you. A small slice.

This is not something they do yet at Cactus or Mecca Tattoo, I don’t think, but I could be wrong. People are getting new things pierced and implanted all the time, and organic is big. But right now I think this is still DIY.

Graft. Hold the plant tight to the slice. Hopefully not too deep so not a lot of blood. The plant just needs a little moisture to take hold. It doesn’t need much from you. This is the way it’s going to be all winter long, so press gently but firmly.

You want it somewhere you can easily see when you glance down on days when you’re depressed, but on the good days, you’ll want it to lie flat and not snag your sweater. You’ll want a high-cut camisole.

Get your friends to do it too. There you’ll be all winter long, having parties in rooms with full-spectrum light. Everybody will be talking about how their graft is doing. Everybody will be clear about their purpose. Everybody will be hopeful and looking good, thanks to the universally flattering power of earth tones.

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3 comments on “What the seasonally affected are wearing this fall

  1. Well, this must be shared! What a wonderful idea. I’m running for paper and scissors now…

  2. Jean Peck says:

    I love it! It’s so…YOU!

  3. Amy Kortuem says:

    I had a recurring dream a few years ago that I had roses growing from my head right behind my left ear. No matter how many times I pulled them out, they’d grow back.

    Does this count as grafting?

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