April is the pearlest month day two: Alms for the pearled

So guess what “Maundy” of Maundy Thursday means.

Maundy (noun)

1. The ceremony of washing the feet of the poor, especially commemorating Jesus’ washing of His disciples’ feet on Maundy Thursday.

2. Also called maundy money, money distributed as alms in conjunction with the ceremony of maundy or on Maundy Thursday.

Number one would be tough to render in pearl-wearing unless I were to do the act while wearing pearls. Or maybe wear them on my ankle in a symbolic way, to draw the eye footward and kind of start the conversation.

Johannes Vermeer. "Diana and Her Companions." Circa 1650. No pearls but you can see that they would really work.

Johannes Vermeer. “Diana and Her Companions” circa 1650. No pearls here but you can see that they’re implied.

Neither of those are practical today given previous commitments and given that I just learned I don’t have the golden ratio of my neck being twice the circumference of my ankle, if that’s one of those.

However! I have a scheduling confluence that allows me to nail number two. Just nail it. It so happens that I have a meeting with the head of the Mankato Area Foundation. We will be talking, so to speak, essentially, about the distribution of alms in the form of private funding opportunities for regional arts organizations. Right?!?! Also, she’s known for successful pearl-wearing. Revered. For real. Last week I had a conversation with a third party about how in the world that Mankato Area Foundation woman does it with the pearls.

So basically I have an excellent set of determining factors for a great day two: A sense of purpose, a sister in the struggle, some drapey-drapey Vermeer. Surely we can do this.

“We” as in I know you’re thinking about your own pearls. I know you are. Already on day one I heard from two friends who were like “I can’t do it either, my pearls are in their little velvet envelope in a dresser drawer.” I get it. And in full disclosure, my day one didn’t feel triumphant or stylistically interesting, it just felt like, you know, as Erin put it, *pearls.*

But they were nice to touch every time I reached up to see if I was still doing this, which made for a new body language move I hadn’t thought of before. Kind of like whipping on and off your reading glasses. I don’t know the exact signals or implications it conveyed. That is beyond the scope of this research. I can’t even think about it right now because I have to go re-enact a Vermeer tableau and talk about alms for the arts.

I don’t have time to deal with your specific issues either but you should probably go get the velvet envelope of pearls out of your dresser. Go get it and we’ll check back tomorrow.

GO GET IT.