April is the pearlest month day ten: Pearls versus dry socket

So my friend Stephanie gets her wisdom teeth out today. Just the two remaining ones, I think she told me. Why not all four at once, back when she did this the first time? I don’t remember her answer. I don’t remember because I think I was distracted thinking about how much more of an ordeal wisdom tooth extraction is compared to what you think it’s going to be. The hassle of arranging for a ride afterwards, the drag of not being able to use a straw, the thinking about how long to keep your leftover pain medication around for future possible pain. So basically, first of all, GOOD LUCK STEPHANIE. Good luck to a woman who cares about her teeth.

Courtesy Stephanie's Facebook, with permission. No seriously with permission.

Sonicare Diamondclean! Courtesy Stephanie’s Facebook, with permission. No seriously with permission.

The only advice I can offer is to dress for the occasion. This is something she knows how to do.
stephanie pearls deux

The occasion here is thirst.


stephanie vermeer

It’s one thing to wear the clothes/frame/earring, it’s another to hold a face pose for a whole holiday. So I’m saying that Stephanie has style skills.

What she might not realize, because the research just isn’t really out there yet, is how wearing pearls during and after this procedure might help speed healing. Y’all might remember how I employed a similar strategy while attempting tighter control of my blood sugars by wearing an embellished insulin pump.

accessories help

Or, when I tried to  luxe-up the mammogram experience by taking advantage of the spa-style amenities in Mankato Clinic’s mammogram waiting room.
the under-robe
these are my redemptions
Despite the lack of publicly available research to support the hypothesis that dressing for medical success leads you to the desired end result of obliviousness, which is as good as healing, I am undaunted. And I hope today Stephanie wears those wrap-around pearls she has, which are like a gleaming icon of oral health, or whatever she chooses to make her feel most strong and whole and superior to dry socket.

I call this Haute Bloody Gums.

cropped-mystic-golden-hanger.pngTomorrow: The street team speaks out.

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