April is the pearlest month day nineteen: I think this is a younger woman’s game

Fortunately, gorgeously, people are sending me stuff like this.


Lydia. Photo by Myra.

My friends’ kids in pearls. My friends in pearls.


Hard Times Cafe in pearls.

Hard Times Cafe, courtesy of Mike & Jules.

My friend’s friends’ kid as the pearled and wanded queen of the campsite.


Orla, courtesy of Stephanie.



Be assured that all of this is getting compiled and analyzed. So if you were thinking about sending me something, please do, because the more the better. This is about data. This is about a research-based solution to the heretofore SILENT KILLER OF PEARLWEARING.

And while I’m not yet ready to release results, what with eleven days remaining in the study and some great guests posts still in development which I don’t want to influence, AND I haven’t even gotten into the stash my mom sent from the jewelry box of my great aunt Chloe, who is only loaning the stuff because otherwise what is she supposed to wear for dinner in the assisted living dining room —

a graduated strand

Chloe’s graduated strand.

from chloe's ears


this move

Bonus move.

[NOTE: Peripheral to this study, and thanks to Chloe’s loan, I am now a believer in clip-on earrings and the move they afford when you go to answer the phone. Try this. Go find some clip-on earrings and put them on, and when you get a call, say to the other person standing there, “I’m sorry, I need to take this,” and then before you answer your phone, use your non-phone hand to PULL OFF THE EARRING. Absolute and instant glamour. You are instantly an extra on the set of Mad Men. Beware that if you do this in the car, and then put the earring on your lap instead of waving it around like you should during the conversation, cigarette-esque, you’ll need to drive back to the Family Fresh parking lot and hope nobody pulled into the spot you just left.]


Thank you, Family Fresh customers who came after me.

— OK but the preliminary findings.

It would appear that the classic single strand of pearls might be most successful on younger women, like, too young to have a full-time job. Too young to be at the point with jewelry or anything else where they look around and ask themselves, “how have I amassed so much stuff I don’t use.”

The single strand is like a bunch of thought bubbles, a “dreamy-dreamy-someday” kind of thing, which looks amazing and exciting on a neck and face that are clearly just getting started but which looks a teeny teeeeeeny bit off on somebody who should know better. Right? Not bad, it doesn’t look bad, it just maybe signifies a little bit of denial. Of something. Or a smirk.

I think. As stated, PRELIMINARY.

But I think we’re getting somewhere and I know for sure you should keep the data coming.


To submit data for appreciation and analysis, but not judgment, send to annrosenquistfee {at} hotmail {dot} com or tweet to @ARosenquistFee. 

2 comments on “April is the pearlest month day nineteen: I think this is a younger woman’s game

  1. mom says:

    I just hope you noticed that the two single strands are REAL pearls. They have genuine knots between the pearls, so if the string breaks you will only lose ONE. AND, if you rub them on your upper front teeth and feel the grit of sand, you KNOW they are the real deal. Uncle Richard was always a very generous gift giver to Aunt Chloe. He was mad about her for as long as they were married…some 50+ years!!! Enjoy the feeling of REAL oyster-created gems!!
    Love, mom

  2. CBA says:

    Thank you for reminding us the power of the earring-phone move. As clip-on earrings AND telephone calls crawl toward extinction, we must embrace the move and milk the moment for all its glamorous worth. Now. Today. Or at least maybe Monday.

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