Ann’s Fashion Tarot, Crimson Edition: The Hermit.

The Hermit says know how long to soak. Then, get out.

I don’t know if you’ve ever spent like two weeks not-walking and then gone for a walk, but let me tell you, it is something. Hadn’t really walked since the surgery and then one day I decided it was time so I walked across my street which is under construction so it was like walking on muddy Mars or some shit. I kept going on sidewalks all the way to Family Dollar. Felt it everywhere. No pain, just wobbly, like basically everything connected to everything had forgotten how to make things (legs) swing forward. I was headed to Family Dollar to buy bug spray because I don’t know if you noticed but it was gnat season. On the walk back I got really sad about nothing, just this overall visceral sense of this-is-not-ok. Life per se was very ok, so on one hand this was irrational. On the other hand, my insides were only barely ready for this walk. Undissolved stitches and what have you. And the fluorescent light of Family Dollar was weird, it’s always weird, plus that distinctive plastic bag smell. I was maybe just too porous for all that right now and what was coming across as a burst of sadness was the only way the not-yet-healed parts had of shouting “sit the fuck back down.”

Possibly this is what “hysteria” has always been about, just a body trying to get something across which can show up as emotion which can look nuts unless you consider that it’s brilliant for stitches or whatever else to make themselves heard in this way. What else are they supposed to do. It felt really good to get home to that chair wearing pink-orange-crimson, with those really green trees and blue sky up above.

The Hermit says hide out for as long as you need to hide out. Don’t let things get moldy or turn to rot or whatever, but stay put and soak what you need to soak and don’t get out until everything every single part says it’s time.